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WORLD SECURITY COUNCIL: Director Fury, the council has made a decision.NICK FURY: I recognize the council has made a decision, but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision, I’ve elected to ignore it.
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JAYNE: You don’t pay me to talk pretty. Just because Kaylee gets lubed up over some big-city dandy doesn’t mean…
MAL: Walk away from this table. Right now.
SIMON: What do you pay him for?
SIMON: I was just wondering what his job is—on the ship.
MAL: Public relations.
— Firefly, “Serenity” (1.1)
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WHISKEY/SAUNDERS: What if she [DeWitt] went over your head?
BOYD LANGDON: I’m very tall.
— Dollhouse, “Vows” (2.1)
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BOOK:Yes, I’d forgotten you’re moonlighting as a criminal mastermind now. Got your next heist planned?
SIMON:No. But I’m thinking about growing a big black mustache. I’m a traditionalist.
— Firefly, “War Stories” (1.10)
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GILES: You brought a date?
BUFFY: I didn’t bring him, he came.
GILES: Buffy, when I said you could slay vampires and have a social life, I didn’t mean at the same time.
— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Never Kill a Boy on the First Date” (1.5)
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MAL: Zoe, the ship is yours. Remember, if anything happens to me, or you don’t hear from me within the hour… You take this ship, and you come and you rescue me.
ZOE: What? And risk my ship?
MAL: I mean it. It’s cold out there. I don’t wanna get left.
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MAL: Ah, the pitter-patter of tiny feet in huge combat boots… SHUT UP! … There’s nobody sets foot on my boat that I don’t meet him. Don’t worry, I’m not going to start any sword fights; I’m over that phase.
INARA: I’d appreciate it if you kept the others from ogling.
MAL: One of you is gonna fall and die, and I’m not cleaning it up!
— Firefly, “War Stories” (1.9)
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BADGER: He won’t deal with me direct. He’s taken an irrational dislike.
JAYNE: What happened? He see your face?
BADGER: He’s a quality gent. Nose in the air like he never wun gwo pee. Don’t find me respectable. But you, now I figure you got a chance.
MAL: You backed out of a deal last time. Left us hanging.
JAYNE: Hurt our feelings.
— Firefly, “Shindig” (1.4)
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CORDELIA: [cutting Groo’s hair] Oh, wait. It’s not like your strength is in your hair, or anything like that, right?
GROOSALUG: No. I believe it is in my muscles.
— Angel, “Couplet” (3.14)
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WILLOW: Was [Jesse] dead?
BUFFY: Worse. I’m sorry, Willow. We were too late. And they were waiting for us.
WILLOW: At least you two are okay.
XANDER: I don’t like vampires. I’m gonna take a stand and say they’re not good.
BUFFY: So, Giles! Got anything that can make this day any worse?
GILES: How about the end of the world?
BUFFY: Knew I could count on you.
— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “The Harvest” (1.2)
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XANDER: Maybe we can save the maybes for a more dayish part of the day, girls. Potential slayers can function without sleep. Me, I’m no good without my usual 90 minutes.
ANDREW: [tied to a chair in next room] I’m with him. Keep the chatter down! … Or speak up so I can hear you. I’m bored. Episode I bored.
— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Show Time” (7.11)
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SAFFRON: You’re quite a man, Malcolm Reynolds. I’ve been waiting a long time for someone good enough to take me down.
MAL: Saffron, you even think about playing me again I will riddle you with holes.
— Firefly, “Our Mrs. Reynolds” (1.6)
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OLAF: Barmaid, bring me stronger ale, and some plump, succulent babies to eat.
XANDER: I’m gonna run and get Buffy. Or you could fight him.
SPIKE: Yeah, I could do that, but I’m paralyzed with not caring very much.
— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Triangle” (5.11)
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EARLY: I only hurt people because they keep getting in the way of me finding you. Tell her.
SIMON: What am I? Your advocate?
EARLY: You are starting now.
SIMON: He’s really very… gentle… and fuzzy. We’re becoming fast friends.
— Firefly, “Objects in Space” (1.14)
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