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MUDDER: And then, when we put that statue of you in town square, he rolled in, wanted to tear it down. But the whole town rioted.
JAYNE: You guys had a riot? On account of me? A real riot?
MUDDER: I can’t believe you’re back.
JAYNE: How could I stay away? [hugs]
— Firefly, “Jaynestown” (1.7)
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PRINCIPAL WOOD: Welcome to Sunnydale High. There’s no running in the halls, no yelling, no gum-chewing. Apart from that, there’s only one rule: if they move, kill them.
— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Chosen” (7.22)
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WHISKEY/SAUNDERS: What if she [DeWitt] went over your head?
BOYD LANGDON: I’m very tall.
— Dollhouse, “Vows” (2.1)
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MAL: Kaylee, what in the sphincter of hell are you playing at? We got the Primary Buffer —
KAYLEE: Everything’s shiny, Cap’n. Not to fret.
MAL: You told me — You told me the entry couplings would hold for another week!
KAYLEE: That was six months ago, cap’n.
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GILES: Now tell me about this review. No one said anything to me about this.
TRAVERS: Let’s sit down and talk about it over here.
GILES: [to rest of the Watchers] You all stand around and look somber. Good job.
— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Checkpoint” (5.12)
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GILES: For God’s sake be careful. I mean, uh, I appreciate your efforts to keep the vampire population down until Buffy returns, but, uh … Well, if anything should happen to you and … you should be killed, I should take it somewhat amiss.
WILLOW: You’d be cranky?
— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Anne” (3.1)
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WESLEY: I didn’t say you had emotional problems. I said you had an emotional problem. It’s quite different.
GILES: My ‘attachment’ to the Slayer is not a problem. In point of fact, it’s been a very…
WESLEY: The way you’ve handled this assignment is something of an embarrassment to the council.
GILES: If you want to criticize my methods, fine. But you can keep your snide remarks to yourself. And while you’re at it, don’t criticize my methods.
— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Bad Girls” (3.14)
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GILES: All right… and the girl was holding a box. Nothing else? Well, it certainly could be one of your prophecy dreams, or it could just be the eternal mystery that is your brain. I’ll check it out, let you know if I come up with anything. Bye.
— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Hush” (4.10)
[Credit to drst.]
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GILES: Our task now is to determine what sort of killer we’re dealing with- Clearly we’re looking for a depraved, sadistic animal.
OZ: Present. Hey. I may be a cold blooded jelly donut - but my timing’s impeccable.
— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Beauty and the Beasts” (3.4)
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DARK WILLOW: It’s about the power. And there’s no one in the world with the power to stop me now.
GILES: I’d like to test that theory.
(end; next episode)
DARK WILLOW: Uh oh. Daddy’s home… I’m in wicked trouble now.
GILES: You’ve no idea.
— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Two to Go” and “Grave” (6.21, 6.22)
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ETHAN: Oh, bugger! I thought you’d gone!
GILES: Ethan Rayne. You have no idea how much thrashing you is gonna improve my day.
ETHAN: No, no, no! Wait! Hang on! You-you can beat the crap out of me. Go ahead, I can’t stop you! Or-or you can listen to what I have to say. Find out what’s going on.
GILES: What are you talking about?
ETHAN: Something bad is happening. Bad for both of us.
GILES: Bad for you.
— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “A New Man” (4.12)
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GILES: Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact?
CORDELIA: Tact is just not saying true stuff. I’ll pass.
— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Killed By Death” (2.18)
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GILES: I appreciate your thoughts on the matter, in fact I encourage you to always challenge me when you feel it’s appropriate; you should never be cowed by authority. Except, of course, in this instance, when I am clearly right and you are clearly wrong.
— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “I Only Have Eyes for You” (2.19)